3/23/2011

Spider-Man issue explained

"rayray" asked:

a friend of mine sent me this .gif and I can't for the life of me figure of who the other person in this picture is. Please help me out guys!!

also; this is my first post so I don't quite know how this works. I attached the pic so hopefully it'll show up?

I wrote: It's Doctor Doom.

Those are three panels (animated like a flip-book) from Roy Thomas's greatest Marvel epic, "The Atlantean-Dormammunanean War", in particular from the story "This Person, This Propeller", with art by a then up-and-coming John Byrne. Todd McFarlane and Alan Moore list this story as their biggest influence. It was this story that moved Jack Kirby to finally quit Marvel for good. He claimed that Roy Thomas had snuck into his house at night and used his evil telepathy to steal the ideas right out of the King's head while he slept (This was later proven to be true).

In the story, Doctor Doom finally fixes his face and decides to become a hero called the Crimson Cannonball. Leaving Latveria behind, he goes to New York sporting a brand new heroic red costume with a formidable looking red propeller helmet, intending to join the rest of the Marvel heroes in their battle against such villains as he himself.

Right off the bat, Doom falls madly in love with Janet Van Dyne, who was still mooning after Hank Pym, Tony Stark, Steve Rogers, and Thor at the time. He and Peter Parker double date with Janet V.D. and Pepper Potts (fresh off of her break up with Tony Stark in the story "Madness is the Mosquito-Men"), but the restaurant is attacked by the Trapster and Paste Pot Pete (who had travelled there from the past to team up with himself, inspired by the Doom/Rama-Tut phenomenon).

The Trapster plants a spinning anti-gravity device upon the personage of Doom, while P.P.Pete keeps shooting his paste at the girls. Spidey tries to punch the device off of Doom (pictured) but he is not fast enough and keeps giving Doom gut-checks. At that moment, in the FF title, Galactus comes to earth for the first time, the FF get back from the Inhuman's kingdom, the Thing fights the Golden Age Punisher, the Surfer betrays Galactus, Johnny Storm goes into Galactus's ship, gets the Ultimate Nullifier, scares off Galactus, and Sue gives birth to Franklin.

Meanwhile, back at the Bistro, Peter finally gets the device off of Doom. Johnny Storm shows up with his best girl Doreen for some ice cream sundaes, and is dismayed to see paste all over the place. He talks the two villains into surrendering themselves because he will let them have a ride to the police station in his sweet hot rod, and he also offers them some Twinkies and Hostess Cupcakes, which I've never liked.

Doom, as the Crimson Cannonball, is welcomed into the ranks of the Avengers, and of course remains with them to this day, as their greatest hero. Peter and Pepper broke up, to the heartbreak of fans everywhere who loved having a couple with the same initials.

This story is referenced in Eric Clapton's "Layla", and Clapton himself says that the long piano bit at the end is a musical representation of the story's events. Sam Raimi said that he got literally thousands of e-mails from fans begging him to use this storyline as the basis for his Spider-Man 3, but says that he didn't feel that the medium of film could do it justice. "I'm not just going to set myself up for failing to bring to life the story that defined Marvel, what do I look like? A Schlemiel? A Schlemozzle?" The fans never forgave him, and Spider-Man 3 is widely reviled as a missed opportunity which should have been the Crimson Cannonball's. Fans today take heart that a new Spider Franchise is just around the corner, and are sure that Hollywood will listen to them this time and will bring "This Person, This Propeller" to vivid life on the silver screen.

1/10/2011

Red Riding Hood Pitch Meeting

Monday, Jan 10, 2011 1:00 pm

Studios Development Department Offices

Ted: Whattya got?

Harry: OK, picture this: It's little Red Riding Hood...

Ted: I Hate it.

Harry: But SEXY!

Ted: I LOVE IT! Greenlight. No wait, you'd better tell me more.

Harry: Um,... really? (pauses) Gosh... OK. I got it. The Kindly Woodsman is a Robert Pattinson type in black leather pants.

Ted: You read my mind.

Harry: The wolf is really a Vampire!

Ted: Yes! Wait, what? Why?

Harry: Well, I want millions of dollars, not just hundreds of thousands of dollars.

Ted: But the Wolf doesn't need to be a vampire, he can just be a werewolf.

Harry: But... (mumbles) I'm on Team Edward...

Ted: Huh?

Harry: Nothing. Fine. Werewolf. Let's move on.

Ted: Get to the Sex!

Harry: Well, she's doinkin' the Woodsman, obviously.

Ted: Go on...

Harry: And then, let's throw in a triangle... Let's see... Team Woodsman... The other guy is good-looking, but not TOO good-looking...

Ted: He DOESN'T wear leather pants.

Harry: No, he's like more of a sheepskin guy. Brown hair. No gel.

Ted: Girls HATE guys with brown hair and no gel. They always go for the gel.

Harry: So, Team Gel and Team No Gel.

Ted: Team No Gel is going to be a pretty small team.

Harry: (mumbles) If you'd let me put vampires in...

Ted: NO VAMPIRES!

Harry: No Vampires. But...it still needs something...

Ted: We got a triangle, We got the leather pants... What else...

(They are silent for a moment)

Harry: (Slams hands on knees) I GOT IT! A WHODUNIT!!!

Ted: Who done what?

Harry: Who ate the Gramma!!!

Ted: But the Wolf ate the Gramma!

Harry: BUT WHO IS THE WOLF??? RIGHT????

Ted: (kind of drops jaw in amazement) oh my gawd...

Harry: RIGHT??? IT'S A WEREWOLF!!! It could be anybody!!!

Ted: YES! So Who IS it!

Harry: Who cares? Make it anybody. But throw suspicion on EVERYBODY!

Ted: The Gramma?

Harry: YES!

Ted: The Woodsman?

Harry: YES!

Ted: Wait, I'm trying to wrap my mind around this.

Harry: What's to wrap?

Ted: Well, we're making a movie about Red Riding hood where she's doinking the woodsman and the wolf is a werewolf, OK, that writes itself, but if we're going to then try and be like, "What if the GRAMMA is the Wolf, and what if the WOODSMAN is the wolf, then I feel like we're getting too trippy.

Harry: Nic Cage.

Ted: Come again?

Harry: Nic Cage. Put him in there as a werewolf-hunting detective. Van Helsing with a sword!

Ted: Wait a minute. Who's the good guy here? The Wolf? The Woodsman? The Van Helsing? I'm confused.

Harry: .... Are you?

Ted: Yes!

Harry: As confused as... a teenage girl?

Ted: ... (pauses) BRILLANT. Harry my man, you are one sensitive male.

Harry: (beams delightedly) Chicks tell me that a lot.

Ted: So, back to Cage. Is he good or bad? He'll play whatever. He can play both. I just want to know which it is.

(Harry closes eyes. After a moment, raises hands in the air and begins to move them about, conducting music only he can hear.)

Harry: hmmmm......... werewolves, curses........religious angle...... twilight fangirls.... hot topic merchandise..... wiccans......... He's BAD.

Ted: Cage's bad? Harry: He's bad. A total cock-blocker. Buzzkill in a goatee. Bad.

Ted: So is the wolf good?

Harry: He's good because he's interesting, and he's furry, but let's be honest. The only person the girls are gonna root for is the woodsman.

Ted: Team Gel.

Harry: Anyone else is just in the way.

Ted: So OK, the wolf's bad, and Nicholas Cage is bad,... You know what? What's the conflict?

Harry: Well, I think it's classic Wolf vs. Woodsman. Plus Cage,... Wait a minute, that's two conflicts. Now I'm getting twisted up around this thing...

Ted: It's ok, I got this. You have to look though the plot and all the distractions and see, really, what is at stake for the main character? What is she trying to do?

Harry: Doink the Woodsman?

Ted: DOINK THE WOODSMAN. EXACTLY. So, who's in her way?

Harry: The other guy who wants to doink her!

Ted: No, he's not really in her way. He's just there as a trope. Think about it! Who is always interfering with teen-age girls and their boyfriends?

Harry: THE DAD!!!!!! She has a dad?

Ted: She does now! (they high-five)

Harry: The dad's the wolf.

Ted: He eats the Gramma?

Harry: She's the mother in law! Of course he eats her. He's fed up with her and her bullcrap.

Ted: No can do.

Harry: Wait, why?

Ted: My name's gonna be on this thing. Have you met my mother in law? She'll know it was me. She reads into everything. Her and my wife get together,.....You want me sleeping on the couch? The dad can't eat his mother-in-law. That's just how it is.

Harry: Well, you want him eating his own mother?

Ted: I'm OK with that.

Harry: Weird. OK, well, we got the gel triangle, the whodunit, the doinking, the buzzkilling, the wolf, ... Who's gonna direct?

Ted: Throw me some names...

Harry: Michael Bay!

Ted: Perfect! Lemme shoot some emails here... (types)

Harry: Who can we get to merchandise this? McDonald's obviously.... Do a theme with how hungry wolves get and he'll eat a Big Mac. Teenage girls in red hoodies... it's too easy. Can we get Evanescence on the soundtrack?

Ted: No, they broke up.

Harry: Shit, Muse then.

Ted: Muse with Amy Lee doing Guest Vocals!

Harry: Aerosmith!

Ted: Bad news. Bay just replied to my email. He's out.

Harry: Why?

Ted: He's doing a remake of Sophie's Choice.

Harry: That's gonna be AWESOME!

Ted: Cage is out too, he just replied.

Harry Why?

Ted: He's booked. I'm sending you a link he just sent me. ( http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eExfV_xKaiM ).

Harry: Wow! Those all look like winners! Who else will do any movie they get offered?

Ted: Oldman.

Harry: You are a genius. I'm not worthy! (They shake hands)

Harry: OK, I gotta go, the secretary gave me a spec script she thinks I should check out. It's a movie about the Butcher, the Baker, and the Candlestick maker. It's an allegory about gay marriage. I'm thinking Gyllenhall, musical, set in the roaring thirties. Like Newsies.

Ted: That's GOLD! I want a piece!

Harry: You got it! I'm out! (exits)

Ted: (starts typing, sings) "burnin' the ground, I break from the crowd, AND I'M HUNGRY LIKE THE WOLF!!!!!!!......."