7/18/2012

Hulk issue explained.

One guy posted: "I don't think I've ever seen the Hulk take an injury like Red Hulk took today in AvX #8"

Another guy answered: "Aunt May back in Hulk 349. in She violated the gray Hulk with an adamantium bat and lube. Waay worse".

I wrote:

Yes, a CLASSIC issue. Described here for those who haven't read it:

IRRITABLE HULK #349, "To Rise, But Yet to Fall" is widely considered to be Roy Thomas's Swan Song, his final masterpiece as a writer for Marvel Comics before defecting to DC to write about the '40's in a Little Rascals WWII title. John Byrne admits that after reading this masterpiece he just stopped trying to write and just started phoning it in. Brian Michael Bendis reports that it was the first Marvel comic he'd ever read as a child, having received it as a get-well present from his uncle when he had the willies, and that it inspired him to paint himself green, which landed him in the hospital again a week later. Ralph Macchio, mistakenly thinking this issue was guest-written by Kirby, was this issue's most vocal critic, initially bombarding "Greenskin's Grab Bag" with a flood of angry denunciations. Upon learning the truth, he blamed Shooter.

Lavishly illustrated by Al Milgrom and Don Perlin with a killer Hembeck cover, this issue is a dizzying mix of beloved cowboys from Marvel's revered western canon, relevant 80's social commentary about the "partying students vs. the dean" conflicts which were arising all over the nation, and a loving ode to Mort Weisinger.

Jim Shooter explains that he "suggested" (cracking his knuckles) the story to Roy, who didn't want to do the story, stormed out of the Marvel offices, shoving his way past Danny Fingerfroth and Bob DeNatale and spent the next three days hopped up on Maxwell House, rampaging around NYC, spray-painting obscene Shooter-directed graphitti all over storefronts and people's townhouses (the story goes that when confronted by police, the sickly, 5"1 Thomas warned in his queroulous, cracked voice that they wouldn't like him when he was angry. Actually, they had never liked him to begin with). Roy was not tall enough to have ever been able to see Shooter's face, so his caricatures were all guesswork, and really just looked like Gabe Kaplan from "Welcome Back Kotter", who wondered aloud, "What did I ever do to him?" in an interview with Johnny Carson.

It was while cooling his heels in a 10 x 10 cell that Thomas had the inspriation to do a story. Demanding a pencil and a ream of paper, and given a crayon and an empty cereal box, RT set to work penning his masterpiece among the teeming denizens of the drunk tank. When finally bailed out by Jerry Bails, Roy stormed back to Marvel and threw the cereal box across Shooter's desk, sneering triumphantly at his victory. Looking at it, Shooter saw that it was the exact same story he had asked for, and accepted the submission. Thomas declared a victory. Shooter ate his lunch and called the Knicks to see if they were hiring.

So, onto the story. It begins poignantly with a chiarascuro splash of Bruce wandering the desert, looking for his keys. They had been stolen by the Abomination in the previous issue (IRRATIONAL HULK #348, THESE KEYS MY DESTINY). As he walks, he thinks of how MODOK actually looks really funny, and starts cracking up. When he can't stop laughing, his risible agitation awakens the beast within him, and he transforms into the Hulk, bellowing his rage to the elements, "HULK LAUGH!!!"

In the lonely desert, the Hulk is confronted by the cowboy Ghost Rider and the Rawhide Kid who are looking for directions. After a few pages of roughhousing, the Hulk agrees to lead them to the nearest town, Albuquerque, NM. Passing a nearby casino, they are attacked by the Hobgoblin, who has devised a brand new Adamantium Bat Glider, and wants to try it out in NM where there are more open spaces. If all went well, he was planning to take over the Albuquerque crime rackets.

Coincidentally, Aunt May and Anna Watson have come to Albuquerque to escape the NYC winter and play KENO, and they are walking into the casino just as the Goblin attacks the Hulk. Hulk smashes a mighty green fist right into the Hobgoblin's midsection, liquifying his insides instantly, but the bat glider flies off wildly without him, swooping down and scooping up Aunt May, who miraculously gets her feet into the stirrups just in time ("Oh, my stars!!!").

Of course, May is a quick study, but not quick enough to divert the bat glider from flying into a nearby store front. Reaching frantically for something to grab, she grabs a bottle of Pennzoil, and as the Glider bursts out of the store's side wall, she, the bat glider, and the bottle of Pennzoil smash directly into the Hulk's purple-garbed gluteous gammaximus.

All are unhurt, but Hulk now has an unsightly hole in his then 25-year old pair of purple pants and there's oil everywhere. The cowboys are no help, since all they have are chaps. Fortunately, Rick Jones pops up in his long hair and cowboy hat and plays guitar, soothing the savage beast that is Aunt May and the Hulk as well, lulling everyone into slumber as he and the two time-displaced cowboys close out the issue with a sweet rendition of "Happy Trails".